I have a confession to make. I don’t care for the pressure in our society for female bonding. Don’t get me wrong, occasionally I like spending time with a few close girlfriends and once had a fantastic time on a trip with nine amazing women, but I have never really been interested in or understood this need for women to constantly bond – lady’s night out events, lady’s luncheons, woman’s clubs, and the pressure to bond with ten or more other women. I know this goes directly against Western culture but it doesn’t feel right to me, I don’t enjoy it, therefore I don’t do it.
When I was younger I always dreaded being invited to Tupperware parties, house ware parties, and other similar events. “Come have fun, hang out with the other women.” Why? I just didn’t get it. I thought there must be something wrong with me because so many other women seemed to enjoy it.
Over the years, after forcing myself to attend many of these events, I finally honored my own feelings. I now know that there was never anything wrong with me and that forced female bonding was just not for me.
That being said, I do love to spend some of my time with other women, the real women in my life – my Mother, my daughter, my close friends, family, and their children. I love being with different generations of women and women who take responsibility for their lives and own who they are. I like to meet new women, not at women’s events, but out in real life when it happens naturally. I admire the bonding of women in other cultures and tribes which is based on honoring and respecting the older wise women and the allowing of each woman to completely express who she is and maintain her individuality while still being a part of the whole.
In our society, female bonding is more like in the movie “The Help”. Although it took place in the 1960’s, the group mentality of the women has not changed very much. Don’t fool yourself into thinking it has. The character Celia Foote, who was ostracized from the group because she is different, represents how many women are treated today who don’t conform or are perceived as an outside threat. Walk into a room with a group of women and tell me this isn’t so.
I know everyone is different and some women may prefer to be with groups of women more often than others and that’s fine, but there is danger in too much female bonding. Your thoughts become their thoughts, you begin to conform, to agree, and the next thing you know everyone has the exact same ideas and opinions.
Some women use female bonding to resist being alone, or as a substitute in between partners, never taking the time to be still and know themselves. There are even those who panic or become depressed at the thought of spending an entire day and night alone. They become so uncomfortable in their own skin that they can’t be with themselves and anxiety takes over when they are no longer in the safety of their pack.
In order for a woman to fully transform into who she is to be in this life, she is in most need of solitude. She doesn’t require isolation or loneliness, but a tranquil space where she can open, heal, reflect, and get to know herself at her deepest level – her interior level. In order for her to truly know freedom, she has to embrace the courage to look at what it is that makes her afraid. This goes against a culture that adores the unreal, masked woman who goes with the flow and doesn’t make any waves, but only by standing alone, is a woman able to see and let go of all of her that is unreal – the part of her that was created by society and tap into her own intuitive power, truth, and feminine wisdom – her interior.
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