If your role has always been the one of people pleaser, you may want to change, but are wondering “How can I change my role of people pleaser?”
It’s one thing to want to change but quite another to change that role when everyone around you is used to you behaving in a certain way. When your sense of self-empowerment kicks in they may become confused, upset, jealous, or even angry with you.
First let’s clarify the difference between people who are empowered and those who play the role of people pleaser. People who are empowered are able to give in a healthy way without a feeling of guilt or obligation and without giving up their own needs or part of themselves. People pleasers on the other hand, feel a constant pull to do what other people want, yet in giving into others it leads them to give up something of themselves.
Here are practical steps to take to change your role from people pleaser to one of self-empowerment:
1. Pinpoint your limiting beliefs. The desire to please most likely occurred at an early age where somewhere along the line you decided that it was selfish to take care of your own needs, that it was the only way people would like you, or you never learned how to set proper boundaries having been raised to disregard your own needs, feelings, and desires.
2. Define your new belief. This is important because once you pinpoint your limiting beliefs you don’t want to fall into the same trap that many people do, which is playing the blame game. The past is the past and blaming your family, teachers, culture, or religion for your beliefs will only cause you to stay stuck in negativity. Instead, focus on what you want your new belief about yourself to be. Write your new belief down as this will be your new positive affirmation.
3. Establish healthy personal time. I am sure you have heard the saying,” if you don’t take care of yourself, you cannot take care of anyone else.” If you have been a people pleaser for many years, you may have no clue who you are apart from what you do for everyone else. This personal time will allow you to get to know yourself. Some good ways to take care of yourself are reading a book, going for a walk, taking a hot bath, or going to see a movie. As you spend more time alone, you will begin to learn more about yourself and find out what you do like and desire.
4. Stop and think before you make decisions. Until you are able to comfortably define your boundaries, do not immediately agree to anything. Remember that you are used to automatically saying yes, so the first step is to break that habit. Instead, take the pressure off of yourself by giving yourself a little time before answering. You could say “I need some time to check my schedule, let me get back to you tomorrow.” or “I am not sure what my plans are at this time, but I will let you know.” The point is to give yourself a little time to see if it’s something that you really want to do. If it is, then you can agree to it later and this will also let the other person know that you have your own priorities. If it’s not something you want to do, you have just kept yourself from agreeing to something that would only have made you angry or resentftul.
5. Let go of the disease to please. Not everyone is going to like you and that’s ok. It really is! If someone doesn’t like you, that does not mean that you are a bad person or that you don’t have value. We live in a world of people who are unique. Everyone has had different upbringings, different parents, siblings, cultural backgrounds, religions, and life experiences. All of these things and more have made us who we are today. Nowhere is it written that everyone is supposed to like each other.
If you follow the steps I have presented here, it won’t be long before you will gain a new sense of self-empowerment. Remember who you are and be kind to yourself.
If you would like to schedule a 30 minute complimentary Life Coaching consultation with me to learn more about my Life Coaching services please contact me at info@TonyaSheridan.com
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